Grief: Its Effects Upon the Living and Deceased

Originally published in French, page 16

Below is an English translation: 

Death is the most unavoidable part of life. We try to ignore it, but death by its very nature consistently reminds us of itself. If not via drastic ways like the loss of loved ones, then in very subtle ways like background news coverage of war, famine, or disease. We hear a lot about death, yet most of us are still totally unaware of how to deal with the immense pain we go through after losing a loved one, and we know even less about how this pain affects the one who’s just left their own physical body.

When we lack deep understanding of the nature of death, we experience great pain and the anguish of loss when a loved one passes away. We feel transported to another reality, but in a bad way. At that moment the world we knew is gone forever, although everything around us goes on completely unchanged. We see everything in muted colors, and even the sweet laughter of a child and the warming rays of the sun make us feel even more depressed, by contrast.

We should experience our grief and mourning as profoundly and fully as possible. Let's never heed the advice of our impatient friends or family that tell us to shake it off and smile, even though pain is consuming us. We must allow ourselves to feel all of our sadness, anger, and loss. We should even allow ourselves to ignore daily life and its responsibilities for a while. The more deeply and bravely we experience our grief when it’s first happening, the faster and more completely we’ll return to life. Eventually, we must return to life.

Unfortunately, there are many who experience grief not just for a few weeks or months, but for many years, or even until the very end of their lives. It often happens that among those who come to us for help, when listening to them describe their loss of a loved one it sounds like their loss was recent, though in reality it happened a very long time before. Sadly, they were unable to come to terms with the death of their loved one, which not only perpetuated their suffering, but also the suffering of the person who died. Yes, you read that correctly: profound, sometimes never-ending grief also inflicts a lot of pain upon the one who died.

To begin with, the one who died enters an even more difficult situation than the bereaved is in, because they now face the new reality that includes saying goodbye to countless loved ones and to the material world. Further, they are forced to reflect upon their newly-ended earthly life, and must decide what they’ll do next: whether to cross over to the other side, to the Light, or whether to resist this and to remain among the living. It may surprise you, but huge numbers of souls for a great many reasons (as described in my book Possessed by Ghosts) choose to remain amongst living people.

A family that constantly despairs over the loss of a loved one contributes to that soul’s decision not to ascend to the Light, the place where it could exist joyfully. Souls remaining among the living cause the living great suffering. To illustrate how the bereaved "help" the deceased to make such a tragic decision, consider this. People often talk, or rather, lament to the deceased, begging them to return, while confessing they’re unable to proceed alone or to make any sense out of their lives. The spirit in such moments, despite knowing they’re meant to go to the other side, decides to stay with their loved one/s out of the belief they can give or receive comfort, or mitigate their own guilt and pain for departing even further away. Without the physical body to serve as a buffer against the magnitude of all-consuming emotions, the deceased feels emotions much more intensely and expansively than ever before.

At first, we can feel happy and comforted by the presence of our deceased loved one around us. However the soul, not having crossed over to the other side and so finding itself where it no longer belongs, consequently begins to lose energy. It becomes weaker and weaker, and just like a human, with weakness becomes increasingly sluggish, indifferent, even apathetic. As a result, the spirit’s survival instinct kicks in and it starts seeking something to draw energy from.

One of the most readily accessible sources of energy is a living person. When the family wishes that the deceased loved one never leaves, and the deceased decides to stay among the living, it’s then very easy for the spirit to co-opt or steal energy from the living from time to time. It can also happen that the spirit will go on to permanently attach itself to one of its loved ones or family members. This permanent spirit attachment causes a person to manifest certain and often numerous symptoms. The most common include a profound lack of energy, despite healthy and adequate rest; strident emotional outbursts of anger, anxiety, and phobic or intrusive thoughts; loss of concentration, chronic head, stomach, and body aches; mood changes, depression, and personality disorders; perception of inaudible echoes and voices; consistently feeling chilled; nascent substance abuse and addictive behaviors; sadly, the list goes on. The living person may experience only one of these symptoms, or several combinations at once. The gradual nature of the process means the person is usually unaware that they’re even experiencing or demonstrating their symptoms, and so they only worsen over time. Sometimes it happens that entire families have spirits attached to them. As a result the relationships grow increasingly dissonant, abusive, or violent in these families.

For more than 50 years we at the Dr. Wanda Pratnicka Center have been successful at helping people experiencing possession by spirits. This is a far more common phenomenon than people are generally aware of. As soon as a spirit’s completely escorted away from the people we work with, there is an immediate and remarkable improvement in their appearance, their health, and well-being. All symptoms created by the presence and occupancy of the spirit disappear, and no harmful impacts ever remain. So if you or a loved one suffers from physical, mental, and/or emotional disorders for which there’s no explanation, it is absolutely worth checking out whether there’s any chance that you or they are not in fact dealing with an attachment or possession by a spirit.

I hope my guidance around the optimal ways of connecting to and processing grief may have already or will someday be a soothing comfort and pragmatic benefit for you. We must always honor our feelings and allow ourselves to be that sad, and/or, that angry: just, do remember that the feelings you’re having are nature’s way of letting you let your loved one go. True love will always find its way to giving freedom. I promise that you will come to peace with the fact that your separation’s only temporary. For after death, we’ll all be able to reunite and be together again.