Are You Letting Shame Silence Who You Really Are?

Shame. It’s one of those emotions that quietly takes up residence in our hearts, often without us realizing it. For some, it’s an occasional pang. For others, it’s a nearly constant companion. Yet, despite how common it is, few of us truly understand what shame is—or how to face it. And if we don’t understand it, how can we ever hope to heal it?

Recognizing the Moment Shame Arises

Before we can move through shame, we must catch it in the act. Shame often wears a familiar disguise: the deep-rooted belief that we’re somehow less than others… that we don’t belong.

Each of us carries personal triggers—raw emotional wounds that activate shame almost automatically. These triggers are often tied to things we’ve never fully processed. They may stem from our appearance, money, family life, childhood, relationships, cultural background, or religious beliefs.

For instance, one person may feel shame when revealing their body—at the beach, at the pool, or in intimate settings. Another might shrink in discomfort when surrounded by wealthier friends or people living in more comfortable conditions. Others may feel ashamed if their child struggles in school, or if a parent battles addiction. Infertility, being single, having a different skin color, or belonging to a minority religion—these too can provoke shame. But underneath all these examples lies the same silent message: I’m not enough. I don’t belong.

How We React to Shame

When shame strikes, we usually respond in one of three unconscious ways—none of which help us heal.

We hide. We pull away from life, from others, from situations that might expose our perceived inadequacies. We turn down beach invitations to avoid exposing our bodies. We skip gatherings where people seem more successful. We avoid baby showers when we’re struggling to conceive. We avoid married friends if we’re single. We retreat to protect ourselves, but we end up reinforcing our pain.
We try to please. If shame tells us we’re unworthy, some of us work overtime trying to prove the opposite. We bend over backwards to win love and approval, hoping someone will validate our worth. But this often backfires. Our efforts go unnoticed or are taken for granted. People pull away. Plans fall apart. And we’re left feeling more unworthy than before.
We lash out. Some react to shame with sudden, intense anger—often misdirected. A simple pool invite can trigger a shouting match about something unrelated. A cheerful moment with our child can dissolve into yelling, with no clear reason. The anger isn’t truly about the situation—it’s shame, roaring in disguise.

Shame Thrives in Silence

Shame is most powerful when we keep it hidden—when we tuck our pain away in the dark, hoping no one sees. The more we conceal, the deeper the shame grows. Darkness feeds it. And the result? We suffer. Some people spend their whole lives hiding. Some cut ties with their own families because they never finished school, or never married, or didn’t live up to someone else’s standards.

Here’s the truth: shame cannot survive in the light. Shame grows in darkness, but when exposed to the warmth of awareness and compassion, it loses its grip. The first step? Turn on the light of your own consciousness. Gently examine the places in your life where shame takes hold. What makes you feel less than? Where do you feel like you don’t belong? And then remind yourself: the story shame tells you—that you’re inferior, that you don’t fit in—is a lie. There are no people better than you. And no people worse. Graduating school, getting married, earning more money—these things don’t increase your worth. They don’t grant you access to belonging. That idea comes from the ego, which loves to measure your value against external benchmarks. But your value has nothing to do with external achievements.

Another way to loosen shame’s hold is to speak it aloud. But only to someone who has earned the right to hear your truth—someone who will meet you with empathy and presence. Sharing shame with the wrong person can deepen the wound. You need someone who won’t respond with judgment, like: “How could you do something like that?” or “Even I wouldn’t be that stupid.” When shame is met with compassion, it begins to dissolve.

The next time shame rises, let it flow through you instead of pushing it away. Feel it fully. No resistance. Think of it like a stream flowing down from a mountaintop—sometimes soft, sometimes wild, sometimes slow, sometimes forceful. But always moving. Let shame move through you like that stream. Don’t grip it. Don’t analyze it to death. Just let it pass. Avoidance gives shame power. Conscious presence disarms it. So next time you sense shame creeping in, meet it with gentle awareness. Say to yourself, “Ah, here it is. That old feeling. It’s telling me I’m not enough. That I don’t belong. Interesting.” Observe it, don’t identify with it.

Have you ever seen a mountain pulled into a river? Of course not. The mountain stands grounded, still, immovable. It lets the stream run down its sides, untouched by its current.

Be that mountain.

About the Author:

Marianna oversees the daily operations of The Dr. Wanda Pratnicka Center, skillfully advising staff members on guiding clients through the spirit removal process. Her efforts extend beyond management; she is dedicated to raising awareness about the phenomenon of spirit possession, utilizing various platforms including events, books, and digital media. In her leisure time, Marianna delights in gardening, immerses herself in reading, and explores new natural wonders.

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