Let’s begin by clarifying something important.
When we say “forget about yourself,” we do not mean neglecting your needs. We do not mean becoming a doormat, losing boundaries, allowing people to step over you, or sacrificing yourself in harmful ways. That is not love. That is not wisdom. And it certainly is not joy.
What we mean is something much more subtle — and much more liberating. To forget about yourself means releasing the constant self-focus. The constant thinking about me. The endless evaluating, comparing, defending, and monitoring of who I am. It means loosening the grip of self-absorption.
If you want to see self-focus amplified, look at social media. Before social media, we did not see it so clearly. Now it is magnified. Every day we see profiles filled with images of people documenting their lives — what they eat, where they travel, what they buy, how they look, what they achieve.
And slowly, almost without noticing, we begin to do the same internally. How do I look? What do I have? What am I achieving? How do I compare? Life becomes a constant evaluation of the self. And what does this create? Anxiety.
Because when attention is constantly turned toward ourselves, we begin comparing. Comparison breeds insecurity. Insecurity creates defensiveness. We feel the need to protect our image, defend our identity, explain ourselves, prove ourselves.
Rumination follows. We replay conversations. We analyze how we appeared. We worry about how we are perceived. The ego loves this. The ego survives on identity management. But the soul grows tired of it and starts to suffer.
True peace arises when we are not trying to prove anything. When we are not defending who we are. When we are not protecting an image. When we are not measuring our worth. In deep presence, the sense of “me” softens.
Have you ever noticed that your happiest moments were the ones where you forgot about yourself? When you were laughing so freely that you didn’t think about how you looked? When you were immersed in something so fully that time disappeared? That is not an accident. Joy appears when self-preoccupation fades.
Perhaps you watched the recent Olympic figure skating competition and saw Alysa Liu win her gold medal. What was striking was not just her technical precision — it was her presence. She did not appear tense, obsessed with winning, or focused on “I must achieve this for myself.” Instead, her energy seemed directed outward — toward sharing something beautiful with the audience. Her body floated across the ice. Her movements looked effortless. There was joy, not strain. In the interview before her performance, Alysa said: “I am just happy to be here”.
It's important to point out Alysa took a two-and-a-half-year break from the sport after the 2022 Beijing Olympics and World Championships, citing burnout and a loss of joy at age 16. During her hiatus, she focused on mental health, attended college, and enjoyed a "normal" life.
When the focus shifts from “How do I win?” to “How can I give something beautiful?” something inside relaxes. The body follows. The heart opens. Performance becomes expression. And often, success follows naturally.
If you want more joy, shift from self-focus to service. This does not mean you must volunteer eight hours a day or make dramatic sacrifices. Service lives in small, ordinary moments.
If you are a mother, sit with your child and be fully present. Not checking your phone. Not thinking about yourself. Just listening. Just seeing them. That presence is the greatest gift — and it costs nothing. If you have an elderly neighbor, bake cookies and stop by for a few minutes. The warmth you offer may mean more than you imagine. If you are an artist, create for the sake of creating. Not to be admired. Not to be praised. Not to build identity. Simply allow the creative energy to flow through you. If someone speaks to you, listen deeply. Do not prepare your response while they are talking. Let them feel truly heard. In each of these moments, the “me” becomes quieter. And in that quietness, joy enters.
The life centered on “What do I need? What do I get? How do I look?” often becomes heavy. It breeds dissatisfaction because there is always someone ahead, someone more successful, someone more admired.
But the life centered on “How can I give? How can I contribute? How can I serve in this moment?” feels lighter. When you wake up and ask: How can I be of service today? How can I contribute? How can I bring warmth into this room? You step out of suffering and into meaning. And meaning is fertile soil for joy.
Forgetting yourself does not erase you. It frees you from the prison of constant self-evaluation. It softens the ego’s endless demands. It releases comparison. It dissolves defensiveness. And what remains is presence. In presence, there is no proving. There is no measuring. There is only being — and giving. And strangely, beautifully, when you stop chasing joy for yourself, joy finds you. The happiest person is NOT the one who perfected the self. It is the one who forgot to think about it.
About the Author:
Marianna oversees the daily operations of The Dr. Wanda Pratnicka Center, skillfully advising staff members on guiding clients through the spirit removal process. Her efforts extend beyond management; she is dedicated to raising awareness about the phenomenon of spirit possession, utilizing various platforms including events, books, and digital media. In her leisure time, Marianna delights in gardening, immerses herself in reading, and explores new natural wonders.
Stay tuned for enlightening new blog posts EVERY SUNDAY - your weekly dose of inspiration and guidance.
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