January 14, 2023
Have you ever faced a situation where you had good intentions to help someone but in the end the situation turned against you or even got worse?
Most people want to behave correctly, and even want good things for other people. Yet we don’t necessarily know what “good” things for other people actually are. When we see someone struggling with a problem, we can be quick to give them advice even if we’re not asked for it. Though in most cases it’s simply best not to advise those who didn’t ask for it. Only when our intuition loudly demands we offer information to someone should we then express it out loud.
Unfortunately, many confuse intuition with ego. Advice you’re inspired to share that came from an intuition is positive: full of love, and offering freedom of choice without limitation. However, advice originating from ego is negative: full of fear, anger, or imposed limitations. By its very nature, such advice will be bad advice.
Interpersonal conflicts often stem from the ease with which we give advice that comes from ego, and then justify by saying it comes from good intentions. We then wonder why the person turns away from us - or, worse - why they go and do the opposite of what we advised. Let’s consider an example. Say that a couple has a son who abuses alcohol. Each year he goes further downhill: he lost his job, his wife left him, and he became a wreck of a person. When the couple brings up the subject of alcohol, the son denies he has a problem, and laughs in their faces. It occurs to them that of course they have to save him, and get him free from his addiction at any cost. First they approach him gently, with love and compassion. Yet when he refuses to listen, their failure to save him puts them right in the clutches of ego. They resist against their self-anointed ‘failure,’ and then resort to fighting, manipulating and imposing conditions onto their son’s behavior.
However such a plan not only has no chance of success, but may also make matters worse: the son could easily feel attacked and simply double down on his addiction. It’s more often that this kind of advice, which our egos are certain is 100% correct, does more harm than not. Yet when intentions are good, shouldn’t any helpful behavior be well justified? Not at all.
In our lives and in everyone else’s, we should always defer to autonomy and free will, and allow others to experience life in the ways that they wish. It also follows that we shouldn’t attach any expectations to other people. Even - or perhaps, especially - if we feel that such individual choices are bad ones, we should always respect and allow for their freedom of choice. We must realize we’re not in any position to know - nor to presume to decide - what’s best for any given person. We don't know the whole truth about their past lives or their current one; nor of the karma they’ve accumulated toward the lessons needing to be learned. Therefore, “well-intentioned” forcing of our own values onto anyone else is never right. Instead, when you find yourself forcing anyone into anything, consider what you’re really afraid of. Forcing behaviors onto others originates from one’s own fears.
In the example above, the mother could fear how she’ll cope with the impacts of her son’s alcoholism on herself and her husband, and on the rest of their family if her son dies, or behaves horribly. So, instead of trying to control how someone else lives or acts, focus on your own emotions and discover that the other person is a great teacher, as s/he has made you more aware of your otherwise hidden fears.
This raises a key issue concerning spirit possession. Many people who forcefully - or even fanatically - impose their opinions on others may end up being possessed by spirits. At first this may seem paradoxical, because how can someone who wants to help so much go on to be "punished" with a spirit possession? The answer is precisely because s/he wants to help so much, and so badly: anything beyond healthy balance in our emotional state exposes us to possession by spirits.
So the next time you feel the urge to help someone with unsolicited advice, think about where the urge is coming from. Is it from pure love, characterized by a lack of fear or self-interest? Or did it come from your ego’s unknown fears, its demands, conditions, or expectations cloaked as “good” intentions?
1. You can find more information about common symptoms of spirit attachment / possession here:
2. How to check whether you or your loved one are experiencing a spirit attachment?
3. Want to learn more about how we remove spirits?
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