Shame compels us to hide from others, keep secrets, or react with anger. For some, the weight of shame is so overwhelming that they prefer to vanish from the world's view. How can we address and heal from shame? Join us as we explore this topic further.
Listening to shame, its central message often revolves around feeling inadequate, worthless, or not good enough. Such feelings lead us to withdraw, hide, or flee from the world, mirroring our physical response—looking down, slouching shoulders, perhaps even the urge to cry.
Society, including our families, cultures, and religions, imposes standards that, when unmet, spark shame in many of us. Women are taught they should marry by a certain age, have children, earn well, and excel as homemakers and mothers. Men are conditioned to always appear strong, conceal weaknesses, never cry, and achieve career success. Failure to meet these expectations often results in shame.
In extreme cases, the magnitude of shame leads to cutting ties with loved ones due to fear of judgment, opting for isolation over exposure of our "failures". This can also manifest as addiction, with many who struggle with substance abuse carrying deep-seated shame.
As the world evolves rapidly and living standards rise, so do our self-imposed expectations, increasing the likelihood of failure and the ensuing shame.
We often don't realize that we create our own shame. It's our inner voice that says to hide away for having a pimple or not to reach out to friends after losing a job. Since this voice comes from within, we have the power to control it and choose not to listen.
This voice may have been shaped by our parents, teachers, or siblings, sometimes to an incredible degree. Recall moments when criticism from a parent made you feel small, insignificant, or unworthy.
Shame prevents us from fully enjoying life, focusing on our failures rather than celebrating our achievements, constantly reminding us of our deficiencies and perceived inferiority.
To heal shame, the first step is recognizing it, observing its effects on you, and the thoughts it brings. Notice how you act under its influence versus when you're free from it. Like darkness dissipates with light, shame cannot coexist with self-compassion.
We often judge ourselves more harshly than we judge others, becoming our own worst critics. Recognize this and start treating yourself with compassion and unconditional love (more on self-love in this post: Why Self-Love Is So Important - and How to Practice It.) Love yourself for simply being you. Don't set any conditions. Don't tell yourself that: you'll love yourself as soon as... or that you'll deserve love as soon as... Your task is to love yourself regardless of anything. Even if you made the biggest mistake, it's still your obligation to forgive yourself and continue to love yourself.
Shame thrives in secrecy. Keeping a secret feels as if something is eating us up from the inside. We then feel worse, even deserving of punishment. The more we suppress it within ourselves, the more it wants to break out. Find the courage to share your struggles with others. Speaking your truth, even to just one person, can significantly lighten your load.
Remember, life is a series of ups and downs (read more about it here: What Is the Law of Rhythm and How Does It Impact Our Lives?). Nobody's life is perfect, and everyone faces their own set of challenges. Success may come easily in one aspect of life, while another may be fraught with difficulties. However, after every storm, the sun always shines again. These challenging moments not only shape us but also help us become more empathetic and understanding. As Rumi famously said, "The wound is the place where the Light enters you." It's important to embrace these struggles as opportunities for growth and enlightenment. They teach us resilience, foster our strength, and illuminate our path to wisdom. Each experience, no matter how tough, carries a lesson and a chance to let in more light, enabling us to grow and evolve into our fullest selves.
Always love yourself and proudly craft your story, for it is uniquely yours.
About the Author:
Marianna oversees the daily operations of The Dr. Wanda Pratnicka Center, skillfully advising staff members on guiding clients through the spirit removal process. Her efforts extend beyond management; she is dedicated to raising awareness about the phenomenon of spirit possession, utilizing various platforms including events, books, and digital media. In her leisure time, Marianna delights in gardening, immerses herself in reading, and explores new natural wonders.
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