Each and every one of us desires to feel loved. The need for love is an inherent human characteristic because, without love, life becomes incomplete. Even animals and plants thrive significantly better when they are provided with even the smallest doses of love. However, sometimes our need for love becomes so immense that it exceeds a healthy balance. Some constantly expect to be adored, praised, or even worshiped like deities. Yet, this form of love no longer bears any resemblance to genuine, true love. So, how can we heal our unhealthy expectations of love from others?
We all tend to focus, to varying degrees, on ourselves and expect others to serve us in some way. Even when we do something for someone, we often unconsciously expect approval or love in return. For instance, we invite friends to our homes, cook, clean, and bake cakes. On the surface, it seems like we want to serve our guests and give them the best, but after the event, instead of feeling joy that everyone had a great time, you feel saddened because nobody thanked you for the effort you put in or praised how delicious the food was. Anger wells up inside you, and you vow never to invite them again. Alternatively, let's say it's Mother's Day. You start building expectations of where your children will take you this year; it must be some fancy restaurant, and you absolutely have to receive a fantastic gift. However, your child calls and informs you that they have to work late the day before and don't want to sit in a restaurant, so they invite you to their home instead. How would you feel in that moment? Unloved and furious because they couldn't appreciate you at least on this one day of the year and do something special for you? You get upset and decide to stay home and not see your child. These kinds of situations occur in our lives on a daily basis. The mistake lies within us, expecting love and adoration from others.
Find the courage within yourself to recognize your expectations of love from others. Sometimes we express our expectations out loud or even yell them out of frustration, while other times they remain unspoken but still hurt deeply when unfulfilled. However, every expectation of love, adoration, or praise that goes unfulfilled leads to pain.
Why does it hurt? Because it breaks the rule that states our duty is to love ourselves and selflessly serve others. We cannot depend on other people. Every dependency leads to pain, and sooner or later, the Universe will keep showing us situations that demand healing. For instance, if you expect love from others, suddenly that love won't be forthcoming. People will ignore you, mistreat you, forget about you, or run away from you.
Those who constantly expect love or praise are perceived by others as "demanding." Subconsciously, we don't want to spend time with people who constantly expect something from us. Instead, we gravitate toward those who have no expectations, those who accept us and are selfless in their actions. It's not because we want to use them and take from them constantly. It's because around them, we feel lighter, we feel the freedom they provide, and we feel we can truly be ourselves. We automatically open ourselves up to this positive energy and want to give them everything.
Therefore, your task is to love yourself and not seek love externally. No one else can fill that void within you. Even if someone praises you or shows you love, it will be a fleeting feeling because it will be received by your ego, which artificially inflates in that moment, only to play you the same old song shortly afterward, the one about how the world doesn't love you and how others don't respect you.
Let's revisit the examples given earlier. What would happen if you truly loved yourself and didn't have expectations of love from others? Your guests would undoubtedly feel much better in your home, and after the event, you would feel joy knowing you had the opportunity to host your loved ones. Regarding Mother's Day, it wouldn't matter what happened that day; you wouldn't even feel the need to celebrate it in any special way. Instead, you would feel gratitude for having a child and experiencing motherhood. Can you now see how differently you would react to people, the world, and life when you love yourself and don't expect love from others? Your life would be filled with peace and harmony instead of pain. However, to reach such a state, you must first love yourself.
On this blog, we have written several times about self-love. If you want to learn more, I invite you to read the following posts: "Why Self-Love is So Important" and "5 Ways to Be a More Loving Person." Remember, loving yourself is not an option. It is your duty! May your journey through life be filled with an abundance of self-love and inner peace. May you always recognize the incredible light and beauty that resides within you.
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