Forgiveness is often spoken about as if it were a simple decision. As if one day we wake up, choose forgiveness, and everything inside us suddenly softens. But for many people, forgiveness does not arrive that way at all. There are those who sincerely want to forgive, who understand its value, who even long for the peace it promises—yet inside they feel a strong resistance. Something tightens. Something says, not yet. And that resistance is not a failure. It is information.
Very often, resistance remains until life brings us into a place of deep suffering. For some, this comes through chronic illness. Over time, many begin to see that their physical body is carrying a heavy emotional burden—unprocessed pain, anger, grief, or resentment that has never been fully acknowledged. In other cases, as we see with many of our clients, the lack of forgiveness creates vulnerability on a spiritual level. This vulnerability can attract spirits into a person’s life, leading to emotional, mental, and energetic suffering that becomes impossible to ignore. Pain becomes a powerful motivator. When suffering deepens, forgiveness can begin to feel less like a moral concept and more like a necessity for survival. And yet, even then, there are people who are still not ready to forgive.
So what can we do when forgiveness feels out of reach?
One of the first and most important steps is learning to stop replaying the story in our minds. Something triggers us—a person, a memory, a comment—and suddenly we are pulled back into the past. We replay what happened, what was said, what we did not receive, how deeply we were hurt. Over and over again. Each repetition feeds the wound with energy. It grows larger, heavier, more alive. Sometimes it takes on a life of its own, until it feels impossible to stop.
When you are not ready to forgive, simply catching yourself in the moment is already powerful. You notice the spiral beginning and gently say, Okay, not now. You shift your attention to something else. This does not mean denial. It means refusing to continue fueling the wound. Over time, as you interrupt the story again and again, the pain begins to lose some of its power. What we stop feeding eventually weakens.
Another essential step is accepting the resistance itself. Many people fight their resistance to forgiveness, judging themselves for it or trying to force it away. Spiritually, this creates more tension. Instead, step back and say, I notice resistance. And it’s allowed to be here. When we stop fighting our resistance and meet it with compassion, the inner wall begins to soften on its own. Compassion toward ourselves is not indulgence—it is healing.
It is also important to reflect on what we are truly losing by holding onto unforgiveness. One client once came to us deeply upset with her mother, who had never shown her warmth or affection. Throughout her life, the relationship remained cold and distant, despite living close to one another. As we spoke, I asked her simple questions. Was she married? Yes—and happily. Did she feel loved by her husband? Very much so. What about her children? They were loving and close. Her siblings? Supportive. Her friends? Warm and caring.
She was surrounded by love. And yet her mind was fixated on the one place where love had been absent.
It was as if she had acres and acres of a beautiful garden—lush, colorful, alive—but all her attention was focused on a tiny patch of ground that was dark, damp, and barren. Nothing wanted to grow there. By staring at that one spot, she forgot the abundance surrounding her. This is not about dismissing the wound. It is about gently widening our perspective and allowing ourselves to notice what is nourishing us, instead of only what hurt us.
Another reason forgiveness feels impossible is that many people try to skip a crucial step: addressing the wound itself. Forgiveness cannot happen on top of unexpressed pain. The wound must be acknowledged, given space, and allowed to speak. This does not mean confronting the person who hurt us—often that only creates more harm. But expression is essential.
Journaling can be incredibly powerful. Writing without censoring, without fixing, without spiritualizing. Talking with a trusted friend. Working with a therapist. Simply allowing the truth of the pain to exist outside of the body. We see again and again that once emotions are expressed, something naturally loosens. Without this step, forgiveness remains unreachable. It is nearly impossible to release what we have never allowed ourselves to feel.
Along with expression comes self-validation. Saying to yourself, Of course this hurts. Of course this bleeds. Anyone in my place would struggle. This is not self-pity—it is self-recognition. When we offer ourselves this level of compassion, we create the inner conditions that make forgiveness possible later on.
Finally, it helps to remember that forgiveness is not a single moment. It is a process that unfolds over time. Especially when wounds were formed early in life—before the age of seven—they are deeply embedded in the nervous system and emotional body. These layers do not dissolve overnight. They require patience, repetition, and care. Taking time is not failure. It is wisdom.
Forgiveness cannot be rushed without causing further harm. When it arrives authentically, it comes not from pressure, but from healing. Until then, honoring where you are, tending to your wounds, and softening your inner world is already profound spiritual work. And that is more than enough for now.
About the Author:
Marianna oversees the daily operations of The Dr. Wanda Pratnicka Center, skillfully advising staff members on guiding clients through the spirit removal process. Her efforts extend beyond management; she is dedicated to raising awareness about the phenomenon of spirit possession, utilizing various platforms including events, books, and digital media. In her leisure time, Marianna delights in gardening, immerses herself in reading, and explores new natural wonders.
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