Most people long to love and be loved. There is nothing wrong with that desire. In fact, it is one of the deepest and most natural longings of the human heart. We want companionship. We want to share our life with someone. We want to feel seen, understood, and valued.
Last week, I spent time with a group of women in their thirties. Their lives were different. Their personalities were different. Their circumstances were different. Yet they all shared something surprisingly similar. They were trying very hard to earn love. One woman was in the process of converting to Judaism because it was important to her partner. There is absolutely nothing wrong with changing one's faith when it comes from a sincere place within. But as she spoke, another part of the story emerged.
Her partner lives on the other side of the country. He still refuses to introduce her to his parents after 6 years of dating. He openly tells her that he is uncertain whether they will end up together. Yet every week she faithfully attends classes and continues investing her time, energy, and hope into a future that he himself seems unsure about.
Another woman has spent the last five years financially supporting her boyfriend because he refuses to work. She believes in him. She believes he is talented. She believes that one day he will succeed. A few days before we met, she discovered he had a gambling problem.
Relationships are complicated. Life is complicated. It is easy to sit on the sidelines and judge someone else's situation. It is much harder to understand what is happening inside a person's heart. The purpose of this article is not to criticize these women. In many ways, they are generous, loyal, and deeply caring human beings. The world could certainly use more kindness and more willingness to support others. Yet as I listened to their stories, a question quietly arose:
When does love stop being love and start becoming fear?
Many of us were taught that love means giving. And there is truth in that. Healthy relationships require generosity. They require compromise. They require patience. They require us to think about someone other than ourselves. A loving person naturally wants to help. They want to contribute. They want to make life easier for those they care about. Serving another person can be one of the most beautiful expressions of love.
But there is a subtle line that often goes unnoticed. Sometimes we serve because our heart is overflowing with love. Other times we serve because we are afraid. From the outside, the actions may look identical. The motivation underneath is what makes all the difference.
Fear rarely announces itself. It rarely says, "I am afraid of being abandoned." It rarely says, "I am afraid nobody else will love me." It rarely says, "I am afraid that if I stop giving, this person will leave."
Instead, fear disguises itself. It can look like endless patience. It can look like constant understanding. It can look like giving someone chance after chance after chance. It can even look like devotion. The problem is that fear creates imbalance. When fear is present, we often tolerate situations that deeply hurt us. We overlook red flags. We ignore our intuition. We make excuses for behavior that would concern us if it were happening to a friend. We keep pouring from a cup that is already empty. And because fear operates quietly beneath the surface, we may genuinely believe we are acting out of love.
Each person must discover their own fears. No one else can do this work for us. The answers are different for everyone. Perhaps the fear is being alone. Perhaps it is fear of rejection. Perhaps it is fear of starting over. Perhaps it is fear that this is the best we can do. Whatever the fear may be, bringing it into awareness changes everything.
A useful question to ask yourself is: "If I knew with absolute certainty that I was worthy of love, what would I do differently?" Would you still be trying so hard to prove yourself? Would you still be carrying responsibilities that belong to someone else? Would you still be accepting behavior that leaves you feeling unseen, unimportant, or uncertain?
Sometimes the answers can be uncomfortable. But discomfort is often the doorway to freedom.
One of the greatest misunderstandings many of us carry is the belief that love must be earned. We earn good grades. We earn promotions. We earn achievements. Somewhere along the way, many people begin treating love the same way. "If I do enough..." "If I sacrifice enough..." "If I become who they want me to be..." "Then they will choose me."
But genuine love does not grow from proving your worth. It grows when two people recognize the worth that is already there. A healthy relationship does not require one person to constantly convince the other to stay. It does not require endless self-abandonment. It does not require shrinking yourself to fit someone else's expectations. Love flourishes when both people bring their whole selves to the relationship and meet each other with honesty, respect, and care.
If you find yourself in a relationship where you are constantly giving, constantly waiting, constantly hoping, pause for a moment. Not to judge yourself. Not to blame yourself. Simply to look honestly at what is happening. Ask yourself: "Is this coming from love, or is it coming from fear?"
The answer may not arrive immediately. Give it time. Sit quietly with the question. Listen carefully. Beneath all the noise, beneath all the stories, there is a wiser part of you that already knows. And sometimes the most loving thing you can do for another person is not to give more. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is return to yourself. Because when love is no longer driven by fear, it becomes lighter, healthier, and far more peaceful. And perhaps that is the kind of love your heart has been seeking all along.
About the Author:
Marianna oversees the daily operations of The Dr. Wanda Pratnicka Center, skillfully advising staff members on guiding clients through the spirit removal process. Her efforts extend beyond management; she is dedicated to raising awareness about the phenomenon of spirit possession, utilizing various platforms including events, books, and digital media. In her leisure time, Marianna delights in gardening, immerses herself in reading, and explores new natural wonders.
Stay tuned for enlightening new blog posts EVERY SUNDAY - your weekly dose of inspiration and guidance.
----
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES:
1. You can find more information about common symptoms of spirit attachment / possession here:
2. How to check whether you or your loved one are experiencing a spirit attachment?
3. Want to learn more about how we remove spirits?
Most people long to love and be loved.
There is nothing wrong with that desire. In fact, it is one of the deepest and most natural longings of the human heart. We want companionship. We want to share our life with someone. We want to feel seen, understood, and valued.
Last week, I spent time with a group of women in their thirties. Their lives were different. Their personalities were different. Their circumstances were different. Yet they all shared something surprisingly similar.
They were trying very hard to earn love.
One woman was in the process of converting to Judaism because it was important to her partner. There is absolutely nothing wrong with changing one's faith when it comes from a sincere place within. But as she spoke, another part of the story emerged.
Her partner lives on the other side of the country. He still refuses to introduce her to his parents. He openly tells her that he is uncertain whether they will end up together. Yet every week she faithfully attends classes and continues investing her time, energy, and hope into a future that he himself seems unsure about.
Another woman has spent the last five years financially supporting her boyfriend because he refuses to work. She believes in him. She believes he is talented. She believes that one day he will succeed.
A few days before we met, she discovered he had a gambling problem.
Relationships are complicated. Life is complicated.
It is easy to sit on the sidelines and judge someone else's situation. It is much harder to understand what is happening inside a person's heart.
The purpose of this article is not to criticize these women. In many ways, they are generous, loyal, and deeply caring human beings. The world could certainly use more kindness and more willingness to support others.
Yet as I listened to their stories, a question quietly arose:
When does love stop being love and start becoming fear?
Many of us were taught that love means giving.
And there is truth in that.
Healthy relationships require generosity. They require compromise. They require patience. They require us to think about someone other than ourselves.
A loving person naturally wants to help. They want to contribute. They want to make life easier for those they care about.
Serving another person can be one of the most beautiful expressions of love.
But there is a subtle line that often goes unnoticed.
Sometimes we serve because our heart is overflowing with love.
Other times we serve because we are afraid.
From the outside, the actions may look identical.
The motivation underneath is what makes all the difference.
Fear rarely announces itself.
It rarely says, "I am afraid of being abandoned."
It rarely says, "I am afraid nobody else will love me."
It rarely says, "I am afraid that if I stop giving, this person will leave."
Instead, fear disguises itself.
It can look like endless patience.
It can look like constant understanding.
It can look like giving someone chance after chance after chance.
It can even look like devotion.
The problem is that fear creates imbalance.
When fear is present, we often tolerate situations that deeply hurt us.
We overlook red flags.
We ignore our intuition.
We make excuses for behavior that would concern us if it were happening to a friend.
We keep pouring from a cup that is already empty.
And because fear operates quietly beneath the surface, we may genuinely believe we are acting out of love.
Each person must discover their own fears.
No one else can do this work for us.
The answers are different for everyone.
Perhaps the fear is being alone.
Perhaps it is fear of rejection.
Perhaps it is fear of starting over.
Perhaps it is fear that this is the best we can do.
Whatever the fear may be, bringing it into awareness changes everything.
A useful question to ask yourself is:
"If I knew with absolute certainty that I was worthy of love, what would I do differently?"
Would you still be trying so hard to prove yourself?
Would you still be carrying responsibilities that belong to someone else?
Would you still be accepting behavior that leaves you feeling unseen, unimportant, or uncertain?
Sometimes the answers can be uncomfortable.
But discomfort is often the doorway to freedom.
One of the greatest misunderstandings many of us carry is the belief that love must be earned.
We earn good grades.
We earn promotions.
We earn achievements.
Somewhere along the way, many people begin treating love the same way.
"If I do enough..."
"If I sacrifice enough..."
"If I become who they want me to be..."
"Then they will choose me."
But genuine love does not grow from proving your worth.
It grows when two people recognize the worth that is already there.
A healthy relationship does not require one person to constantly convince the other to stay.
It does not require endless self-abandonment.
It does not require shrinking yourself to fit someone else's expectations.
Love flourishes when both people bring their whole selves to the relationship and meet each other with honesty, respect, and care.
If you find yourself in a relationship where you are constantly giving, constantly waiting, constantly hoping, pause for a moment.
Not to judge yourself.
Not to blame yourself.
Simply to look honestly at what is happening.
Ask yourself:
"Is this coming from love, or is it coming from fear?"
The answer may not arrive immediately.
Give it time.
Sit quietly with the question.
Listen carefully.
Beneath all the noise, beneath all the stories, there is a wiser part of you that already knows.
And sometimes the most loving thing you can do for another person is not to give more.
Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is return to yourself.
Because when love is no longer driven by fear, it becomes lighter, healthier, and far more peaceful.
And perhaps that is the kind of love your heart has been seeking all along.
April 4, 2026
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